There is Always an Explanation

 

One of my favorite films is a forgotten movie called Sneakers with Robert Redford and Ben Kingsley.  It is a bit of a guilty pleasure but Kingsley plays a man bent on changing the world so that all government secrets are revealed.  He planned to accomplish his devious act utilizing a piece of hardware Kingsley developed through his company Setec Astronomy which is an anagram for "too many secrets."  The plan was amazingly prescient considering the notorious Julius Assange of Wikileaks who has been obtaining classified government documents and leaking them to the press and general public.  It seems like with computers dominating our lives almost nothing is private anymore.  We lay a digital trail everywhere we go.  For myself I have just come to grips with the fact that I will never run for Congress.  On second thought knowing what I do about many of those in Congress perhaps I should.

The other day while dining on Mexican food I lent my son my cellular telephone to look up something on the internet.  He clicked here and there and then started to laugh.

"I am sorry Pop, I try not to ask you about anything I see on your phone but I have to ask this time.  The search term, hanging erection?"

 

I started to laugh.  "I swear to God there is a good explanation."  He looked at me skeptically and in my mind all I could think of was David Carradine.  Kung Fu from my youth Carradine was found a few years back in a Thai hotel room hanging from a rope in his closet.  He had apparently been attempting autoerotic asphyxiation when something went terribly wrong.  I wondered if his last vision was of a room filled with a thousand candles and a voice whispering grasshopper.  

"You see the other day my newly re-found Polish friend was telling me how much she liked a play by Samuel Beckett called Waiting for Godot.  I was reading the play and came to the following section where two seemingly homeless men are engaged in a conversation as they wait for Godot to show up.

ESTRAGON:

What about hanging ourselves?

VLADIMIR:

Hmm. It'd give us an erection.

ESTRAGON:

(highly excited). An erection!

VLADIMIR:

With all that follows. Where it falls mandrakes grow. That's why they shriek when you pull them up. Did you not know that?

ESTRAGON:

Let's hang ourselves immediately! 

I was stunned, I had no idea that hanging could give you an erection.  Did the Viagra people know this?  I conducted a quick internet search utilizing the vast and solidly accurate knowledge of the web to confirm the statement.  It did.  Wow I thought, now I understand why hangings in the old west were so popular.

With my explanation my son was content and continued searching for whatever it was he was searching for.  I heaved a sigh of relief that I did not appear as perverse as one might have imagined without knowing all the details.    Thank God I closed that web page on midget wrestling and their sexual escapades I thought.