English Diversity

When I was in college trying to graduate on time I had a problem.  Somehow in four years of study I had managed to amass credit hours from four different institutions all in the pursuit of a Bachelors of Arts degree in History and Political Science.  Anyone who has submitted transcripts to an admissions office knows what an arduous task it is to gain credit acceptance for the most esoteric subjects that just don't seem to fit in a different curriculum.  When the vast collection of transcripts mailed from distant colleges arrive on the admission's officer desk, they sit like Caesar in a gladiator arena and judge everything you have done.  One by one they give thumbs up or thumbs down to the hours of course work you have dedicated a large portion of your life to and enormous sums of money.

In my case I was fortunate to attend an expensive private university that while leaving me with mountains of debt proved to be quite accommodating.  My accumulated transcripts from Anchorage Community College, The University of Alaska and a year of foreign study under the hospices of the Institute of European Studies were all considered and ultimately approved.  There was one hitch however; I didn't meet the requirements for a Bachelors of Arts.  My language shift from Spanish to German had proven detrimental.  There was however a solution.  My liberal arts university in all its wisdom had prepared for such a case.  I was to become a scholar and receive a Bachelors of Science degree.  While on the surface it seemed inappropriate as my scientific background was woefully inadequate it did have a nice ring with Political Science.

Old ACC

In order to achieve this I had to take a series of courses designed to create a scientific mind.  Okay in truth they were more designed to push through the dysfunctional Bachelor of Arts student but I like to think I had a higher calling.  To meet my scientific calling I would have to take philosophy, computer programing, "techniques of math"  aka bonehead math, Transformational Grammar by Noam Chomsky and the History of the English Language.  Transformational Grammar was literally the most horrendous and confusing class I never did understand.  By the courses end I literally burned my textbook in disgust.  At the price of textbooks that is a lot of disgust.  Trying to understand Chomsky is like trying to understand Einstein.  These guys are so far above me they would have difficulty teaching me how to wash a dish let alone explain their theories.

History of the English Language on the other hand was one of the most interesting courses I have ever taken.  Language is arguably one of the most important human abilities.  We all live by it and it is what separates us from any other creature on the planet.  Language doesn't just happen.  It is an evolutionary process of change.  Some languages more than others are for whatever reason more open to change.  English is a mess of a language but for better or for worse it is one of those languages.  Nothing else on the planet compares to the way English adopts words and expressions from other languages and cultures, incorporates it into the lexicon, and then spreads it across the speaking base.   Even languages as far flung as Mandarin give us expressions like "Shanghaied- to be conscripted against ones will" or paper tiger 纸老虎 (zhǐ lǎohǔ), save face 留面子 (liú miànzi), no can do 不能做 (bù néng zuò) or brainwashing 洗脑 (xǐ nǎo).

Cognates and idioms come from languages all over the world but my absolute favorite is the influence that the Yiddish population had on America.  Yiddish is largely a dead language in America.today.  The 2000 census reported only 180,000 current speakers.  By 2010 home Yiddish speakers had dropped to 148,000.  When the nation of Israel came into existence the language was cleansed back to its roots and all Jews were taught Hebrew.  Yiddish was a dialect spoken largely by Jewish immigrants from Germany and Eastern Europe that came into America around the turn of the century the result of hunger and wars.   It was originally a fusion of Hebrew and Aramaic that later fused with German and Slavic languages to create the modern variety.  In the first part of the last century in cities with large Jewish populations like New York there were Yiddish newspapers and even a vibrant Yiddish cinema. 

The cultural influence of Yiddish speakers on America was astounding.  Yiddish speaking comedians like Sid Caesar, Groucho Marx ,Shecky Green, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Milton Berle, Henny Youngman dominated the craft in early vaudeville.  The tradition continues to this day.  John Stewart, Jerry Seinfeld, Jackie Mason, Sarah Silverman, Adam Sandler, Billy Crystal, Mel Brooks, Larry David, Sacha Baron Cohen, Lenny Bruce, George Burns, Gilda Radner, Bette Midler, Moe Howard, Seth Rogen, Peter Sellers, Woody Allen and Howard Stern just to name a few.

Henny Youngman

I love to play a joke on my friend Ira, he is an old Jew and I will often bring up a name in conversation say Dustin Hoffman or better yet, Bob Dylan.  At least they aren't another Hollywood Jew I will say.  Ira's answer will be something like, "Are you kidding, look at the nose!"

I grew up in Anchorage Alaska, about as far from NY Yiddish life you can get yet still it is amazing how many Yiddish words made their way into English and subsequently my vocabulary.  Most I use regularly yet I didn't have a Jewish mother and I never spent a day in a synagogue. 

Chutzpah: Nerve, Guts, audacity
Bupkis: literally beans or goat poop... "He isn't worth bubkis."
Gelt: Money
Glitch: Malfunction
 Golem:
Goy: Not of Jewish origin.
Klutz: Clumsy
Kibitz: Offer unwanted advice
Kosher: Correct
Kvetch: To complain all the time
Maven: One who understands
Mazel tov: Congratulations
Mazel: Luck
Megillah detailed discourse "The whole megillah:
Meshugaas: Crazy
Meshuggeneh: A crazy woman
Meshuggener: A crazy man
Nosh: Snack
Oy (oy vey): Grief
Putz: Insult
Schlemiel: Clumsy person
Schlep: To drag
Schlemazl: Unlucky.... " Think "Sclemeel, schlemazel, Hasenfeffer incorporated.  Were going to do it....."

Schlock: Something cheap

Schlong: Penis

Schlub: stupid

Schmaltz: exessive sentimentality

Schmeer: To spread

Schmo: Stupid person

Shmooze: small talk

Schmuck: A jerk literally a penis

Schmutz: Dirt

Schnoz: Large nose

Shamus: A detective

Shiksa: Non Jewish woman

Shtick: comic theme

Spiel: Sales Pitch

Tukhus: Buttocks

Tush: Butt

Verklempt: Choked with emotion

One of my first jobs was making Bagels and God how I love Lox.  A blintz is nice and a latke is tasty,  almost as much as a bowl of matzo ball soup on a cold day.

The History of the English Language, a course I had to take to graduate, taught me that no matter where you look in our country we are never as white as we may seem when I as a white man look in the mirror.  The very foundation of my thought, my expression, the voice of my mind is an complex weave of cultures and people as far as the eye can see.  After all isn't that what makes America special?  While French purifies itself and no one in their right mind tries to learn German, English unassumingly  just opens its arms.

America is forever changing.  The color of our people is vast as are the beliefs.  Anyone that looks upon our nation as a white puritanical country need look only as far as the American Indian that wishes we had never come in the first place.  The day we turn our back on our diversity is the day we lose our soul as a people.  Honestly, the mere thought leaves me a tad bit verklempt.  Still when I close my eyes I can see Henny Youngman making another generation laugh and still finding a chuckle in myself.


I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years! If my wife
ever finds out, she'll kill me! 

Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!

Oy vey!