The Most Wonderful Invention
If you were to ask someone what the most wonderful invention of the 21st Century is or actually more likely what the most wonderful invention of the 20th Century was, a debate would certainly ensue. Some would say the cell phone, personally I think they should be locked away in a sound proof room with nothing but custom ring tones buzzing in their ears. Others might say the computer still others the DVD. For my money, there is only one answer and it is likely the farthest one from your mind. No, its not frozen yogurt, it's the electronic bidet. "The electronic what?"
Bidet is one of those words most Americans probably can't even say correctly. "Bid-ET. What the hell is a Bid-ET?" My son certainly didn't know when on our first trip to Italy he promptly went to the bathroom and took a dump in one. He was then surprised when he couldn't find the flush handle. No for those inside America a bidet is a simple little basin often accompanying toilets in Europe that after doing one's business you squat over to rinse yourself clean. It shoots a stream of water up into the nether regions.
Well leave it to the Asians to take a classical idea and make it magical. There are a number of manufacturers in different countries making the same thing but my sense of gratitude and appreciation for inventiveness must be directed to the Koreans.
After returning from my last trip to Asia I got used to using a spray hose often attached near toilets to finish the job. When I returned home my son and I embarked on a mission to identify and buy a bidet seat that would attach on top of an existing toilet. We found one, bought one and installed one. I must confess, life is never easy, first I had to appeal to my father's for help installing an electrical socket within reach of the toilet. Now I am considering buying a new toilet because while the thing fits, it is a bit big on what I have.
Now imagine this, you have finished your duty and reaching down to your right you have a control panel. You push a power button and are greeted with a pleasurable chime. You push another and suddenly a stream of warm water hits you. The water oscillates, wider, softer and can be moved forward and back. You almost feel violated but in a good way. When it is done suddenly a warm burst of air covers your bum drying off all the moisture. There is another chime and the process is done. Your bottom has just passed through an electronic car wash and do you ever feel fresh! It is almost a religious experience. My first time out I felt as if I had seen a light from the heavens suddenly cast a beam upon me. I wanted to cry.
Sure I have a few stumbling blocks to still overcome, a bigger toilet and the fact that the energy draw is so intense my lights all dim and I think they have to activate another generator on the Lake Murray Dam. But compromises must be made, I turn off most of the bathroom lights when I use it. I like to think of it as ambiance. I am convinced this has got to be one of the greatest inventions of the last century. It is also an invention that 99.9% of Americans have never tried much less heard of. I almost want to take it as my own personal crusade. It is however difficult to imagine offering a demonstration model in the middle of a mall. "Hello miss, can I invite you to squat before me while I demonstrate this for you?" At least with lingerie it is easy to imagine.
Oh America, open your eyes or rather your bum, you have no idea what you are missing.
Bidet is one of those words most Americans probably can't even say correctly. "Bid-ET. What the hell is a Bid-ET?" My son certainly didn't know when on our first trip to Italy he promptly went to the bathroom and took a dump in one. He was then surprised when he couldn't find the flush handle. No for those inside America a bidet is a simple little basin often accompanying toilets in Europe that after doing one's business you squat over to rinse yourself clean. It shoots a stream of water up into the nether regions.
After returning from my last trip to Asia I got used to using a spray hose often attached near toilets to finish the job. When I returned home my son and I embarked on a mission to identify and buy a bidet seat that would attach on top of an existing toilet. We found one, bought one and installed one. I must confess, life is never easy, first I had to appeal to my father's for help installing an electrical socket within reach of the toilet. Now I am considering buying a new toilet because while the thing fits, it is a bit big on what I have.
Now imagine this, you have finished your duty and reaching down to your right you have a control panel. You push a power button and are greeted with a pleasurable chime. You push another and suddenly a stream of warm water hits you. The water oscillates, wider, softer and can be moved forward and back. You almost feel violated but in a good way. When it is done suddenly a warm burst of air covers your bum drying off all the moisture. There is another chime and the process is done. Your bottom has just passed through an electronic car wash and do you ever feel fresh! It is almost a religious experience. My first time out I felt as if I had seen a light from the heavens suddenly cast a beam upon me. I wanted to cry.
Sure I have a few stumbling blocks to still overcome, a bigger toilet and the fact that the energy draw is so intense my lights all dim and I think they have to activate another generator on the Lake Murray Dam. But compromises must be made, I turn off most of the bathroom lights when I use it. I like to think of it as ambiance. I am convinced this has got to be one of the greatest inventions of the last century. It is also an invention that 99.9% of Americans have never tried much less heard of. I almost want to take it as my own personal crusade. It is however difficult to imagine offering a demonstration model in the middle of a mall. "Hello miss, can I invite you to squat before me while I demonstrate this for you?" At least with lingerie it is easy to imagine.
Oh America, open your eyes or rather your bum, you have no idea what you are missing.
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