Barney Miller And Company

I grew up during the middle and end of what could be considered the Golden Age of television.  It was an era when there were three channels.  Almost inconceivable today in an era of endless variety.  When I turn on my 150 channel cable package I search through pages of networks I have never heard of.  I find my televisions on services like Hulu, Netflix, Apple and Amazon that don’t even broadcast a signal.  Long gone are the broken signals of NBC, ABC and CBS that we pulled in with a split antenna extending out from the television set.  The sitcoms we watched were more like theater productions often filmed before live audiences, almost always with canned laughter. They were made on studio sets and the actors seldom changed locations. 

The other day I was sitting at my desk in my corner of an office filled with modern half walled desks.  There is a bit more privacy these days than the open squad room of eras past yet everyone still essentially works within sight and voice of each other.  I am currently assigned to an enforcement group called D-50 that is focused on heroin investigations.  There are 5 agents, a supervisor and me, an Intelligence Analyst.  Next to us is another group of agents and an analyst.  Computers, telephones and conversations, everyone hears everything and sees everything.  There is no privacy.  You pick your nose, everyone sees it, you fart, everyone hears it and likely smells it.

Back in the Golden age of television there was a myriad of shows but most focused around some kind of family or group dynamic.  Three’s Company in an apartment, Alice in a diner, Mash in a hospital or Cheers in a bar.  The location was the center and from there people entered and exited from stage right or stage left.  The 70’s was the era of police shows and some of them penetrated the sitcom stage.  One such show was Barney Miller.  Barney Miller stared Hal Linden, Ron Glass, Jack Soo, Abe Vigoda and others.  It was a menagerie of characters.  The black guy, the Italian guy the Jew and the Asian guy.  It was a microcosm of New York City.  Like the names mentioned in my previous missive noting the loss of identity as the generations come and go, it will not be long before no one remembers the show or the men who lived there.  In those days, Americans would sit and watch these shows and afford them a full 25 minutes of our time as we would allow their characters to engage us for a moment and then leave us for a week.  We would reserve hours of our day for our favorite block of entertainment.  Don’t bother me from 8 - 9 on Thursday, I am watching my shows was a common refrain.    

Barney Miller represented a NYPD squad room and during every episode some comedic drama would come and go.  The characters would interact and the entire story would be resolved, seldom carrying over to the next episode.  Hal Linden was the calm voice of reason.  Jack Soo and Abe Vigoda had dead pan expressions that would counter the comedic exploits of others and were often the funniest. 

One afternoon I was sitting in my office as a drama unfolded around me.  Two young agents discussed one thing, a boss interjected something else.  I tried to concentrate but couldn’t as my ears were drawn to a conversation half a room away.  There, a larger than life boss boomed out jokes and led a Wall Street trading room style applause at the conclusion of a successful case as if the agent at its center had just completed a trade netting millions of dollars.  One day an agent tested positive for COVID and the ramifications rippled through the office.  A higher up boss would periodically make an appearance with some arrogant word of wisdom that was summarily ignored by everyone listening.  A drug addicted defendant was hauled in and statements were taken.  At some moment of inspiration in the midst of it all I stood and firmly announced my life was fucking Barney Miller.  The expressions on the faces of those around the room were vacant.  No one understood me.  I am the old guy.  

“You know Barney Miller.”  I said looking around the room for anyone with a memory.  I soon realized I was speaking of a television show that aired from 1975 to 1982, long before many of these guys were born.  

I made a futile attempt to explain while the agents chalked it up to a freak expression from the old guy who possibly might be experiencing early stages of senility, and that was that.  Still, the

impact of my statement remained.  My life suddenly had context.  I was living in a Barney Miller episode.  Every day was a new story of interaction, various difficulties while different sub plots unfolded around me.  My office was the 12th Precinct of New York City.  I wondered what character I was.  I hope I wasn’t Stanley “Wojo” Wojciehowicz.  He was lovable but dumb.  Suddenly the deep bass strums of a guitar followed by jazz inspired strings was my anthem.  Bum - - Bum - Bum - Bum - -  Bum - Bum - Bum - Ba Bum …….   https://youtu.be/roHYXrLhmHc

I swayed momentarily to the beat in my mind.  I knew no one understood me and shortly after returned to my work.  Suddenly all had become quiet again at the 12th precinct and I had a moment to my thoughts followed by the quiet click of my keyboard.