The Embrace of Friendship

Life for all but the hermit is a string of social interactions.  It is meeting people, leaving people, remembering people, forgetting people. In all those relationships there are some that standout like flakes of gold floating on the surface of a gold pan. They are uniquely valuable and so  precious they will span a lifetime.  These are the people whose bond seems unregulated by time.  Years may span face to face meetings but each time one occurs it feels as if time and life has stood still.  Like nary a day has passed and conversations and embraces resume as if left only moments before.  

These friends are rare because their companionship transcends the physical and intellectual to something much deeper.  The connection is almost spiritual in the way you become intertwined, woven into each others lives.   My friend Francesca is this way.  We first met when we were both in the university, her in Italy and me in America.  I was

traveling in Italy and our lives intersected.  Beautiful moments spanned years as we crossed at various points lives changing outwardly but something deep within always staying the same.  Marriages, children, jobs, losses and successes.  Each became a story to share that like a brush on a canvas simply worked to color in the missing spaces and contribute to an overall work of art.

For three weeks this summer Francesca visited me and my family at our current home in Thailand.  Feelings upon her arrival were the same as they had always been.  As if a heartbeat didn’t skip a step and once again our lives converged at a special place and point in time.  Conversations that might have ended years ago seem to scarcely have a punctuation point as they are resumed with full enthusiasm.  

While she was here one afternoon, while laying down side by side for a massage, we talked about life and growing old.  I think deep down inside one of our greatest fears is growing old alone.  Sometimes we are single, sometimes we are

married with children yet fundamentally as lives progress the worries are the same.  It is comforting to think that there is someone, whom is conscious of our existence and is willing to lend a hand from time to time.  It is also comforting to think that as you grow older you are needed.  Now to be fair neither Francesca or I are truly old.  We are both in our early fifties looking out into new stages of life.  Still that said, we are cognizant of the road ahead of us and how there can be little deviation.  Outside of sudden illness we are all progressing in the same direction toward finality.  

Francesca mentioned to me that growing older was a worry amongst her aging single friends as well and we both dreamed about finding a place where all could live in independence and privacy, yet be close enough to everyone else to lend a hand when needed.  I imagined filling a scarcely populated Italian hill town with a coalition of the supportive.  “Find a place you can count me in.” I told Francesca.

Being married it is hard for me to see things from a single perspective since I long ago left that state in my own life.  I imagine sometimes that it is hard for single people to join married people  because they might feel on the outside.   I hope that Francesca has come to understand that she is equally loved by all in my family.  That in a true sense she is part of our family.  This extension is nothing new to me me.  I have lived my life void of many close familial blood ties.  I was raised by a step father and have had male friends that are truly my brothers.  I have an Italian girl named Camilla that lived with my family and has equally been a long term part of my life.  For me she is the sister never given to me by blood.  I am truly blessed.

I think for me family and relationships are not so simple and when they are extended to another I hope they can truly understand the sincerity and love to which the gesture represents.  In extending myself I am saying from the depths of my soul how important they are to me and my life.  How they walk with me and are piece of my life if the choose to be part.

For three beautiful weeks in August I was afforded the chance to be with my friend.  Allowed to open my heart to her, to laugh with her and to cry with her.  My family in their own ways opened their own arms as they sensed her importance to me.  They took her in equally and extended

warmth and love.  I think Francesca felt this.  It was in her eyes when we all said goodbye.  The tears reflected more than just sadness, they reflected the colors of the soul.  The deep feelings inside we cling to when we know our emotional selves are bridged to another and the knowledge that for a time a river will run wide and run deep between us.  

Visits end and we all return to our normal lives yet deep inside we are allowed to keep our emotions with us.  We are allowed to be connected and we are allowed look forward to the day when the river will again not be so wide and the bridge will become quite small.  Perhaps some day Francesca will be our neighbor and I can witness her joyous and infectious smile in the morning.  At the very least, I will certainly dream that it will be so.