Breaking Away
The other night my son asked me to sit with him in his room and help him study. He typically does this for one of two reasons. First, he really needs help with something. Usually it is Spanish, trying to help him with math would be like asking a two year old for help with English. Guess who the two year old is? Hint: It's not Noah. If it is not homework, the other possibility is that he wants to talk and pretend it is about homework.
I went to his room and stretched out length wise on his bed and stared up at the poster of Green Day affixed to the ceiling. Hmm... I thought, I did a nice job on installing that ceiling fan.
Noah had been distressed during an early conversation about money and desires. To put it simply, his desires far surpassed my money. I had suggested he get a job. He was fourteen now and for the first time in his life a part time job was a real possibility. At least it was in my generation.
Looking over at him we had a conversation about needs and wants. How what we need in life is typically far different than what we want. Noah's eyes were filled with sadness. I told him he could save for the things he wants and that he was so lucky at this point in his life to not have any financial responsibilities.
"That's not it." He said, a frustrated slightly concerned look covered his face. His eye brows were furrowed and his pupils seemed moist with a tear or two.
"I am growing older Pop. I miss just being able to play with wooden swords out on the lawn."
"I know," I tried to reassure him. "It is part of life son. I know how many responsibilities and obligations you must feel. I can assure you, as life progresses it will only get worse. Before you know, it will be decisions about career and what direction you want to take. Where you will live, how you will pay your bills.
I sat up and gave him a hug. With his head against my chest I said, "little by little it will all work out. If we make mistakes, there is little in life that can't be fixed."
In my heart I know it will be harder for him than it ever was for me. More and more I see college age kids living at home. The neighborhood is dotted with young adults that have finished their educations but are still living at home. The truth is they simply can't afford to strike out and make their own way in the world.
As a parent I am feeling my way through this. Most of my studies were away from home and when I returned I was newly married. My parents gave us hospice for a short bit but quickly pushed us out on our own. The simple question becomes how do we as a parent support and allow growth yet avoid dependency? It seems like this will increasingly become an issue for myself and for so many parents as opportunities in our society are so few and hard to find.
Convinced of his working potential Noah ventured forth and began to query prospective employers only to discover 14 was too young. Even the 15 year old he would become in July was pushing it. It seems that in this world, the world of my child you are pretty much fried until you are 16. Child labor laws today won't let them work past six in the evening. He did receive one encouraging comment from the owner of a local restaurant and friend. When he expressed his working desire to the owner of the Flight Deck and town council member Ted Stambolitas, Ted enthusiastically replied, "Noah if you were 16 I would hire you in a minute! I know what kind of boy you are." Much of this stems from Noah's attempt to convince the town council to build a skateboard park. The park doesn't exist but his presentation to the council impressed the hell out of Ted. Even if Noah's diligent efforts to recruit Rob Dyrdek as the patron saint of Lexington skaters fell flat. Despite numerous emails and letters no one in Dyrdek's empire ever cared to respond.
I am trying to recall my own childhood but somehow it always seemed like there was a job. It started with a paper route, a thing of nostalgia that no longer exists today. Imagine the thought of sending your 10-12 year old child out at 5 am with a heavy bag filled with newspapers in the middle of the winter? How did we survive?
This was followed by a summer job at Taco Bell. I must have been only 14 or possibly 15 when I started. Later jobs were selling bagels, cleaning construction sites, refinishing furniture in a small room filled with noxious chemicals and landscaping. I like to think that perhaps the chemicals were the source of my inability to comprehend math however the job disturbingly came after my ignorance was well proven. Hmmm... maybe I just miscounted the years. I saved for a summer to buy my first car, an MGB that I promptly wrecked 8 months later. I saved for a summer to buy an Intellivision video game console and to take my girlfriends out on dates.
I learned a lot from my first jobs. I learned what it was like to be responsible and have responsibilities to others. I learned how to manage money and what it took to earn it. I built a resume and used it for college and my first jobs.
No this world is different. There are no jobs for a 14 or 15 year old. There might be for a 16 year old if you live in the right spot. Yet still, the economy is so bad many adults can't find employment, try and be a child.
How frustrating life must be through the eyes of a child today. At least my child. He is surrounded by children that live in excess. Fifteen year old kids driving Mercedes Benz that their parents bought for them and who want for nothing. Children who will never understand wants vs. needs. Even with a willingness to provide blood sweat and tears in the pursuit of a dollar there is none to be had. How will my son save for his first car like I did?
The life of a child today is sadly not what it once was. Opportunities are hard to find, chances are difficult to come by. I suppose we are on the cusp of a new reality. Or could it just be that we are finally catching up to the rest of the world? You see in most of the world children don't leave home until they are married. Parents often live with their children when they grow old. Unemployment rates are so high they prohibit childhood employment. Perhaps we are simply refocusing and discovering a new reality. Still I can't help but lament the loss of innocence and independence. Even more, I lament the realty that perhaps needs are needs but despite summers of sweat and loss of innocence, wants are never to be fulfilled.
I went to his room and stretched out length wise on his bed and stared up at the poster of Green Day affixed to the ceiling. Hmm... I thought, I did a nice job on installing that ceiling fan.
Looking over at him we had a conversation about needs and wants. How what we need in life is typically far different than what we want. Noah's eyes were filled with sadness. I told him he could save for the things he wants and that he was so lucky at this point in his life to not have any financial responsibilities.
"That's not it." He said, a frustrated slightly concerned look covered his face. His eye brows were furrowed and his pupils seemed moist with a tear or two.
"I am growing older Pop. I miss just being able to play with wooden swords out on the lawn."
"I know," I tried to reassure him. "It is part of life son. I know how many responsibilities and obligations you must feel. I can assure you, as life progresses it will only get worse. Before you know, it will be decisions about career and what direction you want to take. Where you will live, how you will pay your bills.
I sat up and gave him a hug. With his head against my chest I said, "little by little it will all work out. If we make mistakes, there is little in life that can't be fixed."
In my heart I know it will be harder for him than it ever was for me. More and more I see college age kids living at home. The neighborhood is dotted with young adults that have finished their educations but are still living at home. The truth is they simply can't afford to strike out and make their own way in the world.
As a parent I am feeling my way through this. Most of my studies were away from home and when I returned I was newly married. My parents gave us hospice for a short bit but quickly pushed us out on our own. The simple question becomes how do we as a parent support and allow growth yet avoid dependency? It seems like this will increasingly become an issue for myself and for so many parents as opportunities in our society are so few and hard to find.
Convinced of his working potential Noah ventured forth and began to query prospective employers only to discover 14 was too young. Even the 15 year old he would become in July was pushing it. It seems that in this world, the world of my child you are pretty much fried until you are 16. Child labor laws today won't let them work past six in the evening. He did receive one encouraging comment from the owner of a local restaurant and friend. When he expressed his working desire to the owner of the Flight Deck and town council member Ted Stambolitas, Ted enthusiastically replied, "Noah if you were 16 I would hire you in a minute! I know what kind of boy you are." Much of this stems from Noah's attempt to convince the town council to build a skateboard park. The park doesn't exist but his presentation to the council impressed the hell out of Ted. Even if Noah's diligent efforts to recruit Rob Dyrdek as the patron saint of Lexington skaters fell flat. Despite numerous emails and letters no one in Dyrdek's empire ever cared to respond.
I am trying to recall my own childhood but somehow it always seemed like there was a job. It started with a paper route, a thing of nostalgia that no longer exists today. Imagine the thought of sending your 10-12 year old child out at 5 am with a heavy bag filled with newspapers in the middle of the winter? How did we survive?
I learned a lot from my first jobs. I learned what it was like to be responsible and have responsibilities to others. I learned how to manage money and what it took to earn it. I built a resume and used it for college and my first jobs.
No this world is different. There are no jobs for a 14 or 15 year old. There might be for a 16 year old if you live in the right spot. Yet still, the economy is so bad many adults can't find employment, try and be a child.
How frustrating life must be through the eyes of a child today. At least my child. He is surrounded by children that live in excess. Fifteen year old kids driving Mercedes Benz that their parents bought for them and who want for nothing. Children who will never understand wants vs. needs. Even with a willingness to provide blood sweat and tears in the pursuit of a dollar there is none to be had. How will my son save for his first car like I did?
The life of a child today is sadly not what it once was. Opportunities are hard to find, chances are difficult to come by. I suppose we are on the cusp of a new reality. Or could it just be that we are finally catching up to the rest of the world? You see in most of the world children don't leave home until they are married. Parents often live with their children when they grow old. Unemployment rates are so high they prohibit childhood employment. Perhaps we are simply refocusing and discovering a new reality. Still I can't help but lament the loss of innocence and independence. Even more, I lament the realty that perhaps needs are needs but despite summers of sweat and loss of innocence, wants are never to be fulfilled.
Comments
Post a Comment
Thank you for your comment. I love to hear from anyone that reads what I write.