Life's Lament
Growing older is a stage in life. It doesn't matter if you are young or old, the constant is always the progression of age. Coupled with this, is the feeling of being left behind.
It happens to us usually when we are associated with a group. We seldom hearken back to a moment in time, rather a period of life when our minds and emotions were satisfied. When we shared a commonality with others in an experience. Youth provides fertile ground for this. It is a unique stage of life when we are surrounded by a group experiencing exactly the same thing. We see them day to day and often feel the same frustrations, the same pain. It is a time when others share our age and we gaze out through the window of life from the same perspective.
I think for this reason when we age we often look back at our youthful years with nostalgia like none others. They were a time of innocence when our lives were still largely unwritten. Life presented few constraints over possibility. For this reason those in middle age seem to reach a point in life where they are drawn towards memories of the past. They can manifest themselves in re-establishing long lost contacts and even culminate in a reunion. All serves to provide a reassurance that we haven't been left behind. At the same time, when a reunion does occur, they remind us we can never go back. The vast mid section of our life is spent meeting our needs and those of our families. A vast panoply of association replaces that which was once concentrated.
For most of my life I have stayed away from groups. The reasons for this are probably deeply ingrained in life experiences that that has pushed me away from them. I have never been athletic and as an only child I learned to be alone. Often my friendships are kept at a safe distance to avoid conflict and to buttress the pain of loss.
As part of my career I spent 6 years living in South America and working out of the American Embassy. During that time once again there was a sense of commonality. It was fostered by a group of Americans living, learning and surviving a world and culture alien to our own. For the first time since youth I established close friendships. Once again they were friendships built upon a joint experience and a unique point in life. The men that became my friends were not of my age. All were older, some barely and some much more. Despite this fact, age was no longer important, friendship standing tall above all else. When the march of life demanded that we be pulled apart and sent to our own corners of the world we maintained contact and remained close friends.
As my career continues the next chapter is a path toward retirement and the founding of a new position and a new identity. Some will go soon and some later yet I can't help but feel the ever present longing of being left behind. When the day comes and they walk away even though they don't work in the same office or even live in the same state, the halls will seem emptier, the day longer. My smile will be harder to muster. Of course they are still there, it is simply that they have taken a step further from my world.
While I have never read them, I am aware of a series of Christian novels that were incredibly huge bestsellers. The books are called Left Behind and focus on the attendance of the righteous and faithful while the non believers are left behind. Even religion appeals to this most human instinct and deep seeded fear. For them the answer is easy, join the church and you will never be left behind.
The hardest thing about growing old must be the feeling of being left behind. One by one everyone in life that has know your world, shared your experiences, cried and laughed with you vanish. They leave you alone, I don't know if there is a secret to moving beyond this but if there is not I have yet to discover how best to write your final chapter.
The simple answer is to enjoy each moment and try not to lament its passing. It is a difficult thing to do and I am certainly no model. At the very least, I understand now why people become Masons and Shriners. Why older folks live in a retirement community, and why bingo halls are full. I wonder sometimes, when I die, will anyone feel left behind.
It happens to us usually when we are associated with a group. We seldom hearken back to a moment in time, rather a period of life when our minds and emotions were satisfied. When we shared a commonality with others in an experience. Youth provides fertile ground for this. It is a unique stage of life when we are surrounded by a group experiencing exactly the same thing. We see them day to day and often feel the same frustrations, the same pain. It is a time when others share our age and we gaze out through the window of life from the same perspective.
I think for this reason when we age we often look back at our youthful years with nostalgia like none others. They were a time of innocence when our lives were still largely unwritten. Life presented few constraints over possibility. For this reason those in middle age seem to reach a point in life where they are drawn towards memories of the past. They can manifest themselves in re-establishing long lost contacts and even culminate in a reunion. All serves to provide a reassurance that we haven't been left behind. At the same time, when a reunion does occur, they remind us we can never go back. The vast mid section of our life is spent meeting our needs and those of our families. A vast panoply of association replaces that which was once concentrated.
For most of my life I have stayed away from groups. The reasons for this are probably deeply ingrained in life experiences that that has pushed me away from them. I have never been athletic and as an only child I learned to be alone. Often my friendships are kept at a safe distance to avoid conflict and to buttress the pain of loss.
As part of my career I spent 6 years living in South America and working out of the American Embassy. During that time once again there was a sense of commonality. It was fostered by a group of Americans living, learning and surviving a world and culture alien to our own. For the first time since youth I established close friendships. Once again they were friendships built upon a joint experience and a unique point in life. The men that became my friends were not of my age. All were older, some barely and some much more. Despite this fact, age was no longer important, friendship standing tall above all else. When the march of life demanded that we be pulled apart and sent to our own corners of the world we maintained contact and remained close friends.
As my career continues the next chapter is a path toward retirement and the founding of a new position and a new identity. Some will go soon and some later yet I can't help but feel the ever present longing of being left behind. When the day comes and they walk away even though they don't work in the same office or even live in the same state, the halls will seem emptier, the day longer. My smile will be harder to muster. Of course they are still there, it is simply that they have taken a step further from my world.
While I have never read them, I am aware of a series of Christian novels that were incredibly huge bestsellers. The books are called Left Behind and focus on the attendance of the righteous and faithful while the non believers are left behind. Even religion appeals to this most human instinct and deep seeded fear. For them the answer is easy, join the church and you will never be left behind.
The hardest thing about growing old must be the feeling of being left behind. One by one everyone in life that has know your world, shared your experiences, cried and laughed with you vanish. They leave you alone, I don't know if there is a secret to moving beyond this but if there is not I have yet to discover how best to write your final chapter.
The simple answer is to enjoy each moment and try not to lament its passing. It is a difficult thing to do and I am certainly no model. At the very least, I understand now why people become Masons and Shriners. Why older folks live in a retirement community, and why bingo halls are full. I wonder sometimes, when I die, will anyone feel left behind.
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